when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
