ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
