i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
