the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
