I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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