From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
