Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
