We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
