Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
