Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
