Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
