just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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