So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
