i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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