Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize