I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
