1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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