real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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