Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
