It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
