I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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