Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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