Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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