my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
soo... how was my night?
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