so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
