I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
