I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
