Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
