she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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