i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
