I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw a hot homeless man
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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