i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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