My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Panties = found
Randomize
