i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
And then he peed in my hair
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