I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
