Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
