He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
