I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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