3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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