I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
