She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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