its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
