So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
