"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
