The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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