i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
