I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
