how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize