Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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