I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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