Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
