I think my fart just growled at me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
