so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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