Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
