I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
