is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
