Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
