i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
