Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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