thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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