I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
