You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Please don't give away my fajitas
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
