every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
