Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
