she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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