drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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