I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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