I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
