Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
