I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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