Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
