Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
