I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
