Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize