I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My vagina just recognized that song.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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