no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
