flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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