just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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