I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
