My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
