can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
