Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
