I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
is that a dick in a sweater?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
